i know it's not clever (i just want you with me)
by Kareh
Summary: The one where Derek and Stiles get together but Derek is insecure because of his past but they get through it because Stiles is an amazing boyfriend. (warning: past non con but there is a happy ending :D)


I really recommend listening to this song while you read it because it's what the titles from and I just love it, it's so beautiful and perfect it just makes me go crazy with Sterek feels and it was pretty much my whole inspiration to write this one. watch?v=0Kk0EB5ihEI  
Warning: past non con, but there is a happy ending :D  
This is sort of joined to the last fic I uploaded but not really 'cause the others preseries so it's not really like you have to read it soooo.

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**i know its not clever (i just want you with me)**

If you asked Derek how he ended up dating a kid who once accused him of murder, he probably wouldn't answer you because, well – Derek doesn't really answer anyone. Other than Stiles, that is. But he would definitely go away and think carefully about his answer and remember how it happened. Stiles never expected to fall in love with a werewolf – and Derek thought he was incapable of loving and being loved. He certainly never thought he'd fall in love, let alone with a boisterous, loud mouthed teenage kid who irritated the hell out of him.  
It was Stiles who made the first move. It wasn't that Derek didn't want to, because he thought about it every freaking _day_, but after the fire and then losing Laura – well, Derek had learnt the hard way that he killed everything he loved. And he refused to let that happen to Stiles.  
In between weekly pack meetings, playing pack mom to a bunch of werewolves and fighting for their lives against the alpha pack/kanima/whatever new supernatural being was threatening Beacon Hills that week, Derek and Stiles became friends somehow. It wasn't long until Stiles was showing up unannounced at the Hale house with food and Derek was turning up at Stiles house to play video games, watch movies, eat popcorn and even make conversation with Stiles _dad.  
_Derek crashed on Stiles floor one night after a run in with a freaking _faerie_, because Stiles had been up late researching what on earth they could do to get rid of it and Derek had been helping (or not. He tried, but Stiles was eating a lollipop which was really fucking _distracting_). Around three in the morning, Stiles head hit the desk and he jumped awake. Derek, at this point, jumped awake too and they decided to call it a night.  
'Hey, Derek?' Stiles said, not even thirty seconds after they'd said goodnight to each other. Derek grumbled in response, rolling over in his sleeping bag to face Stiles. He could just make out the features of Stiles face in the dark. His eyes were heavy.  
'Do you want to, I don't know - watch a movie with me?'  
Derek blinked, 'I thought we were going to sleep.'  
'No – well, yeah. But I didn't – I didn't mean right now. I meant like, this Friday, or something_ y'know like a date or something but it's cool if you don't want to I mean'_- Stiles spluttered, mumbling the last part, forgetting about Derek's werewolf hearing.  
'You – you're asking me on a date?' Derek sat up, studying Stiles face. Stiles swallowed once. He was nervous and his palms were sweaty and oh god Derek could probably hear his heartbeat and shit, he could probably smell the sweat too but then again he could probably smell Stiles boner every time they had just the tiniest bit of contact-  
'Yes,' Stiles said, firmly, his voice surprisingly steady. 'Yes, I am.'  
He watched as Derek's face slowly turned into a smile, 'I – yes. Okay.'  
'I understand, Derek, no hard feelings, I mean why would you – Wait. Okay? Did you just say okay?' Stiles begun to fail, his heartbeat rising even faster and Derek's smile grew. He laid back down on the floor.  
'I did. Good night, Stiles.'  
Derek and Stiles work together because they don't work whatsoever but neither of them expect it be smooth sailing. They work because alone, they are just fragments of who they used to be – Derek before his family died, and Stiles before his mom died. But together, between them, they fill the missing parts of each other to become a whole. Together.  
They don't have their first kiss on the first date, or the second or even the third. They aren't on a date when they kiss for the first time at all, in fact. It's nearly two weeks later, after a pack meeting that Stiles stays over because his dad's working all night anyway and it's almost the anniversary of his mom's death so he doesn't want to be alone (though Derek doesn't find this out until much later). One minute they're washing out several plates and glasses that the pack left lying around and Stiles is flicking soap at Derek who isn't amused at all, and the next Stiles is pushed up against the counter and their lips are mashing together. Stiles hands are wet and soapy in Derek's hair but Derek couldn't give less of a fuck about that – he's finally kissing Stiles and it's better than he could ever have imagined. Derek's hands started on Stiles jaw but are now on his sides and his hips and oh god he can _feel_ Stiles reaction to the situation.  
'Okay, from now on, there has to be more of this,' Stiles breaths once they break apart. Derek just nods, resting his forehead against Stiles.  
They continue quite happily for four months. In that time, they come out to the pack, to Sheriff Stilinski (which turned out to be a weird conversation because the Sheriff already thought they'd been dating for months). It gets to be the time of year where Derek lost his family because of Kate Argent – no, because of himself. Because he was stupid and vulnerable and weak.  
Derek worries that Stiles will get bored because he can't give him what he wants. Because he can't have sex with him without telling him about what he did with Kate. He can't let Stiles close to him like that until he tells because it wouldn't be right. Stiles should know he's dating a monster, right? Even if that does mean they break up because Stiles doesn't want him anymore. Which would suck but at the same time – Derek would be relieved. He's a boy, of course he wants to have sex. But he also doesn't because he doesn't want to remember and after last time-  
'Hey, you're doing that thing I hate again,' Stiles says, from over at his desk and Derek jumps. Stiles had been researching freaking vampires and Derek was sitting on Stiles bed, watching him. 'I can hear you thinking from all the way over here, sourwolf.'  
Derek tries to think of a response but his brain is too slow and Stiles walks over to sit down beside him, his voice softer now, and full of concern, 'Hey, Derek, you know you can talk to me, right?' Derek nods and Stiles kisses him. Derek pulls him closer because he wants this and he can do this. Stiles makes Derek want to be okay, to be better, to talk more – and for him, Derek would do anything. It's not like they haven't had heavy make outs like this before – Stiles grinding beneath him a few times and Derek moaning in his ear, but it's more intense this time, with Derek taking the lead.  
It's good but then all of a sudden it isn't. Stiles hands are sliding down Derek's stomach, resting just above the belt for a second before his finger tips sneak down underneath his jeans the tiniest bit and Kate Argent's voice says, _'What's the matter with you? You're a boy, are you really telling me you don't want to fuck me?''  
_'Stiles,' Derek pulls back suddenly, 'I can't.' He climbs off Stiles, off the bed and taking a few steps back. Stiles blinks a few times before he sits up. He looks disappointed and Derek turns to go, to run away and never look at Stiles again but Stiles stands up and reaches out to grab Derek's hand.  
'Don't go,' Stiles sounds small and unsure and Derek hates himself for making Stiles sound like that so he allows himself to be lead back to Stiles bed. He sits down, his hands in his laps and notices the shaking.  
'You know you can talk to me, right? I mean – I'm not – we don't have to have sex, you know,' Stiles blurts out, suddenly.  
'You don't want to?' Derek blinks.  
'Well – yeah, eventually. But it's not – I mean, it's not why I'm here, you know? With you. I want – something more. More than just sex,' Stiles says, and Derek doesn't know what to say to that so he doesn't say anything and eventually Stiles confesses, 'I kind of worry you'd be disappointed if we did. Have sex, I mean. You're all, I don't know, tough and manly like_ grrr_ and you have this sex on legs thing going on and you probably have heaps of experience – and then, well, look at me.'  
'I don't,' Derek says, in a low voice, but Stiles just stares.  
'Oh come on, dude,' Stiles begins but Derek swallows and keeps his eyes on Stiles floor.  
'I don't have heaps of experience, Stiles,' he confesses. 'I don't – I have – I have one. One experience. And it wasn't -'  
Derek cuts himself off, and Stiles whole body language and tone changes, 'Derek?'  
And Derek knows if he doesn't tell Stiles now, that he never will. The words are there, on the tip of tongue. He looks at Stiles and sees the concern on his face and that's all it takes.  
'I-Kate. She burned my family alive and I – the night before we – she-'  
'Shit, Derek,'- Stiles mutters, mostly to himself.  
'It wasn't like that – I mean. I didn't - _I didn't say yes_.'  
Derek wants the ground to swallow him up. He starts to wish he had cut off his tongue all those years ago when Laura was trying to make him talk. Stiles will break up with him now and Derek will lose everything again.  
Stiles reaches for him, slipping his hand into Derek's and intertwining their fingers. And Derek takes a breath. And he talks. He tells Stiles everything. And Stiles holds his hand, squeezing his hand tighter when he falters and moving their joint hands so he can kiss Derek's fingers.  
When he's finished, Stiles looks him in the eyes and tells him it wasn't his fault. Derek didn't kill his family. Kate Argent killed his family, and Derek wasn't responsible for that.  
Derek doesn't believe him, and Stiles knows this, but he looks into Derek's eyes and Derek can hear his heartbeat – he isn't lying. Stiles doesn't blame him. He doesn't hate him, he isn't disgusted, he isn't leaving - the relief is so great that Derek almost lets out a sob when Stiles leans in to kiss him softly, his hand on Derek's cheek.  
'I love you,' Derek mumbles, against Stiles lips. It's the first time he's said it. He feels Stiles smile against his lips.  
'I love you too, sourwolf,' Stiles whispers, 'I know you don't believe me, but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to convince you, if you'll let me. Okay?'  
'Okay,' Derek whispers, before he steals another kiss and pulls Stiles down onto the bed with him, kissing him until the wee hours, when they curl up and fall asleep, wrapped up in each other.

_now i know that i'm blind_  
_and that you're all i see_  
_and yeah i know it's not clever_  
_but i just want you with me_


End file.
